Politics and the Brain

Pompous Intellectual Democrats are supported by those that use primarily the right side of the brain. This side of the brain controls the main parts of creative thought/thinking, imagination, artistry, socializing, and completely ignores things like analytical thought and facts. The general population that falls into this category are the emotional ones and the ones that like to manipulate the “system” to their advantage to gain what they want while doing little to nothing in life. They like democrats because they are “obviously” intellectually superior to them. Their favorite phrase is, “Woe is me”. This population rarely uses any other part of the brain except the medulla oblongata; they do have to keep the heart pumping to collect the next check.

Ignorant Republicans are supported by those that use primarily the left side of the brain. The left side controls the main parts of analytical thought/thinking, math, distinguishing things, technical skills, facts, and completely ignores things like creativity and imagination. The general population that falls into this category are the non-emotional ones and ones that like to do things themselves without outside interference. Their favorite phrase is, “I can do it, get out of my face”. They like Republicans because they don’t want anyone in office that might be smarter than they are. This population rarely uses any other part of the brain except the medulla oblongata, they do have to be able to fart.

Unlike the blind ideologies of the pompous Democrats (who only use the right side of the brain), ignorant Republicans (who only use the left side of the brain), and drunken Tea Partiers (who only use the medulla oblongata portion of the brain); Independents center their use of the entire brain around the cerebral cortex and the corpus collosum. The cerebral cortex plays a key role in memory, attention, perceptual awareness, thought, language, and consciousness and the corpus collosum integrates the left brain and the right brain which allows communication to flow freely throughout the entire brain. Some of the most intelligent and talented people have very healthy “corpus collosum” because it’s the integration of the left and right brain skills that results in wondrous achievements. This cross function of the entire brain gives the independents the ability to distinguish between fact and bull shit. Their favorite phrase is, “Please engage your brain before opening your mouth to change socks!” This population is rarely caught not using their entire brain including the medulla oblongata; after all they need the motor functions to keep the pompous Democrats, ignorant Republicans and drunken Tea Partiers out of elected government positions.

Then there are people that simply do not fit into any of the above honorably mentioned categories at all because they actually don’t use any portion of their brains – or what’s left of it after the self-destruction of hateful thoughts generated by all the tainted illegal drugs they take. They have no useful positions on any subject. Their motor functions are extremely limited; their keepers only change them when they are paid to do so, which just makes them angrier at the world so they anonymously lash out at others on the internet in extremely childish and hateful ways which makes them feel like they are finally worth more than the full depends they are sitting in. These individuals are properly labeled TROLLS which we all know to be someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. Complete sentences are not their forte because that would require complete coherent thoughts and the ability to string multiple intelligent words in a string that would relay that thought. Trolls are spineless panzies that hide behind their computer monitors.